"Preparing for Parenthood"

Something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, and just now came to my attention again, is: I hate how newly wed couples always say "We want to wait to have a baby, just so we can enjoy each other for a while first." Or, "There is a lot we want to do before having children, like traveling and stuff, so we're going to wait a while." Everyone seems to think of babies as annoyances or little plan killers. They somehow view their future with children as a future of dreariness and boredom.

As I was pondering this, I checked my emails. In my inbox was a "What to expect when expecting" email entitled "Preparing for Fatherhood." Once every few weeks I get an email from them directed to the baby's dad. Usually they are only directed to the daddy, but today I really feel this email should have been entitled "Preparing for parenthood" as it applies to both, the mommy and the daddy.

It read:

"Have you been staying up all night thinking about all the things you and your partner won't be able to do once the baby arrives — seeing the world, taking up exotic hobbies, or even just going out at night whenever the urge hits? At 29 weeks pregnant, instead of thinking of what you won't have in your life any more (or won't have as much opportunity for), start thinking of what you will have in your life: A very special little person to share it with. Will your life be different (your favorite hobby becomes blowing raspberries on that chubby little belly; your late nights involve rocking instead of dancing)? Absolutely. Will it be better? Immeasurably."

I think this is so true, and I find it sad when people make comments to me and Jeff--regarding our baby--comments like, "You'll never be able to do....blah blah blah." Or, "Hurry and raise that baby so you can go do...blah blah blah." People wait so long to have children and then are in such a hurry to raise them and move on. Not Jeff and I. We want babies, we want children. We don't want them to hurry and grow up.

One comment someone made months ago annoyed me more than any other rude comment I've had directed at me. He said, "You guys should have waited a bit longer. You needed to get to know each other better and become closer together. Once your baby is born you guys won't progress any further in marriage. Where you are at today is all you will ever be."

What crap! God didn't create babies to ruin marriages or bore us down. He created children to be the best blessing a marriage can produce! The bible states countless times that God's blessing on a Godly marriage is a baby!

I can honestly say that since I've been pregnant not once have any sad thoughts crossed my mind regarding what we "can't do once the baby is here." I'm so excited to have a baby!!! Going on vacations, doing things together, going places and just being a family will be so much more fun having a baby to bring with. Instead of 'Jeff will you take me to the ocean?' I can say, "Jeff, we should bring the baby to the ocean, she hasn't been there before." Instead of us just sitting on the sand idly asking, "What now?" We'll be digging in the sand, running in the waves and taking pictures of our baby and us as a family.

Adding children to a marriage doesn't put a damper on the marriage, in fact, I can think of no better way to grow closer together than two people having the same vision for a family and putting it into motion together.

Adding a baby to a marriage shouldn't be a bummer thing, it should be a joy. It adds a new dynamic to the couple. It's not just "Jeff and Shyloh" anymore, it's the "Bauman family."

Something else Jeff and I have come to realize is, we are more excited to have a baby and to stuff with the baby, than we are to just do stuff him and I. Not because we are bored with just us, but because adding a baby to the mix gives everything so much more of a purpose.

I understand people wanting to enjoy some time with it being just them, but I think that is really selfish. Especially in today's world, where they date for 2-3 years before even getting married. Ok, for 2-3 years you can enjoy being together. And even then after you're married, hypothetically if you got pregnant on your wedding night, that's still 9+ months to enjoy being "just them."

As far as the traveling excuse goes, what--having a baby means you can't travel anymore? That's garbage too. I would much rather travel with a child any day than just Jeff and I. It creates more memories, more photos, more fun. And one thing I keep in the back of my mind is: someday our children will be grown up and living their own lives, then Jeff and I will have all the time in the world to travel just us.

There are a number of excuses people use for saying they want to "wait a while" before having a baby. I think the main thing for everyone, it all boils down to: "I'm too selfish and not ready."

Nobody should say, "I do," unless they are ready to "do" in all areas of life.

I've been pregnant for most of our married life, and not once have we been disappointed that a baby was coming or disappointed that our little marriage unit was going to change. Everyday we look forward to becoming a Family, and not just "Jeff and Shyloh." We aren't focusing on what we "won't be able to do after the baby comes," we are focusing fully on "what we will be able to do once the baby arrives."